Bone Marrow Biopsies and Shirley McClaine moments.......

Aloha  - welcome back. Sorry to have missed yesterday blogging.....yesterday was the worst of worst so far, but that is behind me and today was a better day. Thing about cancer and chemo treatments, you just don't know whats in store each day, just take 'em as they come.......celebrate and go large on the "good days".......relax and try not to fight it on the "bad days"......here's to hoping the number of good days far exceeds the number of bad days when I get to the end of this ride.

Alrighty then.....let's get back to our story.......Tuesday Jan 31 2012 ....I got nothing for ya.....so doped up on post op pain meds.....only thing I can recall is someone saying I looked like a hunchback when I was trying to walk my laps around the unit.....not even sure who visited, what we talked about.....nadda...going have to check with those folks.......
So lets just FORWARD to Wednsday February 1......I wake up (still in dead end room) around 6:30 am and realize I am crying, full on tears running down my face, sobbing, crying....I guess I had been doing it in my sleep and it followed me to my waking up??? Never experienced anything like it.   As I wipe my eyes and start to focus and look around the room I zero in on the dry erase board......this is where they write the name of your nurse, the date, plans for the day, blah blah blah....I zone right in on "WEDNSDAY"....and am now fully overcome with grief when I realize it has been 1 week and at this point I am still in the dark as to what the hell is going on , all I know is I have cancer, no idea what kind, no idea what plans are, no idea if I am just going to be sent home to die.....which truth be told by this point I would have been happy to be told that, just so I could get out of that stinking hospital and enjoy what ever time I had left......brain starts play crazy games when you been on "lock down" and hopped up on meds......in walks my nite nurse, who I had quickly become fast friends with a few nites earlier.....she finds me crying and is fully suppportive, lets me cry some, lets me talk, listens, talks with me and makes me feel so much better....that my friends is a NURSE!!! We said goodbye as it was end of her shift, I got up and started to prep myself for "bone marrow biopsy day" ....sitting up in chair, still few tears falling, pulled myself together....in walks day nurse....she gets half into my room , realizes I have been crying and BAM she goes complete standstill.....(at this point I shoulda know the day I was in for) it is painfully apparent that she can not deal with my crying and I can see her physically teeter as she seemed to be wondering if she could just back up and escape the room without having to acknowledge my crying....but she realizes I see her.....few seconds go by....she leans in and says "can I call you a social worker??"........that my friends is a JUNK nurse.....especially an onco nurse!!! I assure her I am fine, pull myself together. She does take the time to inform me that I will have to give up my "dead end room" because it is a special lead lined room for radiation patients, I completely understand, ask when and am told "oh later this morning" well after your bone marrow biopsy....... and in walks the Oncologist tray full of shiny silvery torture tools.
Now I have been at the side of countless children when they have had this done, luckily I can not recall one that was not sedated to some point of comfort for the procedure, So I kinda know what to expect, dont need to see it, I've seen it plenty lets just get it done......I am quick to find out at this particular institution  they don't sedate/medicate or do anything except for a little bit of lidocaine around the insertion site when doing bone marrow biopsies........me not wanting to be a "big pantie" is all OK whatevahs.....rolls on my stomach and says get it over with.
First its the needles inserted just below the skin right around the area where your butt cheek meets your hip, little pin pricks....no biggie.....then they go a little deeper, get the lidocaine into the deeper tissue.....all G, I'm not feeling much of anything ....I'm thinking "easy squeezy lemon breezy"......then come out the biposy needle (think BIG FAT MEAT THERMOMETOR looking needle).....in it goes....all G......then I am aware of it coming into contact with bone....I am not sure if he is in the bone yet or working his way in, but there is some funky little nerve sitting in the way and as he pushes it feel as if some on just shoved a spear from top of my but cheek straight down to my foot, my leg locks and then I do a backward donkey kick, almost connecting with the onco.....who's all "dont move" and I'm all "DUDE!!! I didn't move -YOU made my body do that like some freaky puppet master!!!!!!
He does a bit of "re-alignment" ....once again I am aware of tip of thick neddle on bone and then ......in it goes......pressure? pain? nausea? PRESSURE> PAIN> NAUSEA.......hard to describe it other than to day it felt like he was in my core.......like a volcano....he tapped into my lava.....and I guess thats pretty much what he infact did......I'm chewing on the pillow, aware of the cracking sounds coming from the bedside rail....thinking NOW I KNOW WHAT A 10 IS on that 0-10 pain scale we always asking patients about.....
Needle sliding out, odd shift of pressure..... dressing applied.....I get to roll on my back.......they pack up....take my "lava" with them and off they go......
Following a bone marrow biopsy you do need to lay flat for a bit .....I am told by my doctor exactley when I am allowed up.......this becomes a bit of a debate with Nurse Nervous Nellie........I say 9:15, she says 10:30 .....I'm all ok whatever I'll be a "good boy" give her 15 and stay flat till 9:30
9:25 Nurse Nervous Nellie (Nurse NN for rest of this tale) walks in with 5 other women (random nurses aides and houskeepers) and announces its all saccarin fake cheerful "Time to move you to your new room...... you just lay flat and we'll do all the work".......
Now granted I had A LOT of stuff in my room, and it really did look like the gift shop......all of a sudden I am aware of these women (strangers) with their hands all over my belongings......one has my laptop, ones grabbing my wallet and papers, another is taking down pictures, one is dropping soda bottle and flowers on the floor.........my belonging are being shoved into bags, put on carts, its like a crazy frantic human tornado in my room.......I FREAK OUT.....get up out of bed and scream "STOP DAMNIT....EVERYBODY FUCKING STOP TOUCHING MY STUFF....PUT IT DOWN!!!"......everyone does stop, there  is silence.......no movement....then in walks auntie #6 ....big smile on her face....looks around and sqeals........"ooooooooo   eeeeetssss soooooo ehxsiiiiiit'ing you soooooo lucky youuuuuu going hoooooooome!!!!!!!!"..........instead of going more "shirley mcclaine (- young kids watch Terms of Endearment if dont get the Shirley remarks).....I apologize for my freak out, calmly ask everyone to put my belongings down, and give me 10  minutes to pack my own belongings and I will call them when I am ready to move rooms........
I do just that calm down, pack my stuff.....it's ready to go, most on the bed, call the nurse  "all ready to go now".....they come to take me and my stuff to the new room......as we are walking past the nurses station, conversations stop, they take one look at me and look the other way, head in book, grab phone......whatevah, no eye contact!!! It's laughable and at this point Im all puff chest looking like "what???whatchu gonna do"...........at least in my own mind thats what I look like....actuality I prolly look like some deflated douche bag........
The new room is right across the hall from the nurses station.......I am convinced I am being punished and moved there so they can keep a closer eye on me........ha ha ha ha !!! I settle in , arrange all my stuff and were back in the gift shop....;)

Quiet day......as if I haven't been through enough I decide its time to deal with the fact I haven't had a doo doo in about 10 days.......no shit......no I mean really I'm not kidding not a pellet, not a turtle head, just a whole lotta toxic gases..........

OK -this is the point where we go deep and honest holding nothing back.....if can't handle get out know, if stay don't say I didn't warn you!!!!

I had been on heavy dose narcotics pretty much around the clock and that has a huge constipating effect as it slows everything down......on top of that for some reason right after I was admitted I becan pacifying my self by eating poi.......you know like the chick on the sofa with the icecream cause she can not handle what ever.......that was me with my poi......4lbs in 3 days........this realization after the night befores horror stories from Shawna and Kolea about their post op no doo doo experiences that led to full on impactions that weren't realized till they were home.......lets just say those two have husbands that love them on a deeper level than I have ever known......and I will never be able to shake either of those dudes hands the same way again......going have to be the knuckle bump.....keep your fingers to yourselves fellahs!!!!!

So I ask Nurse NN if I can have a suppository.....it's time to get this baby out.......no joke she comes back in room with it and asks me if I would like to do it myself or if I would like her to "insert it".........SERIOUSLY?!!??!

"No thank you......I can do it myself"......she puts it down , lays a pair of gloves and a tube o lube next to it.......without thinking my smart ass mouth opens and out flows
"oh I wear extra large gloves and for sure dont need any lubricant".........blank clueless stare from Nurse NN????

So skip to , the "magic bullet" is where it needs go, I am sitting having conversation with Kolea when realize, magic bullets melt and will ooze.......hmmmmmmm.....something feels weird......stand up turn around......"Kolea do I have a snail trail???"........her response is uncontrollable laughter and something about havign to buy me panty liners.......

Pants changed, roll of TP tucked to avoid snail trail-age............talking talking then the rumble in my opu starts.......sounds like Harry Potter is on Hogwarts pulling full speed into the station.......I ask Kolea and Kawika if they wouldnt mind leaving the room........c'mon I'm not that nastie!!!
So how do I describe what occurs next.........there is an explosion......it's all gas.......I'm all WTF?!?!?! that it?/? then it HITS......it begins to depart my body like the spirit in the exorcist .......the room is spinning......feels like no oxygen to my brain......."omg I am going pass out".....look over at the string on wall attached to the "NEED NURSES HELP" button........no way can not pull that and have Nurse NN walk in to find me passed out on bathroom floor birthing this 4lb baby poi..........
I get through wave ~1 think its over, all up and tough and manly.........welcome wave 2.....thes sequal IS bigger, faster,  stronger........thinking "can not pass out, can NOT pass out".........

SLAM !!!! both feet up on bathroom door.......panting breathing like they do in the movies when having a baby~~~~

This gets me through waves 2,3,4,5.........done deal........2.5kg weight loss....now you know why so few photos with this entry....sorry not telling the hemorrhoid horror story....it shoulda stayed between me and Kolea.....but wound up sharing that one with some of the ladies I work the PICU with (If you work with them you prolly already herd it.....if not tell 'em I say its ok to share.......If you dont work with them your gonna have to wait for the movie)........I will not re-live it by telling it now!!!!!! ha ha ha !!!

Next entry will be THURSDAY: Pathology results day..........FRIDAY 1st chemo day.....SATURDAY the post chemo ride


Sorry folks outta gas.....going crash.....aiming to have this story caught up to present time by end of weekend.....thanks for sticking by!!!
Seriously Thank You all for reading this blog and giving me feedback.....its a crazy world I have always found myself living in and why should that be any different now?!?!?! For me this blogging is cathartic, get it all out........but it has also become somewhat of a goal, to continue on , Honoring all that have gone before me by being honest, open and very public about cancer......many many many folks are very public being the faces of cancer.........I guess I would like to be very publicly the face of  cancer and the story of the survivor behind the face......
Lots of Love and Aloha, hope you all have big plans for good fun this long weekend.

P