"Because of all of you........"

Mahalo to Terry for giving you all an idea of how I start my days...

So.....let's get right to one of the most frequently asked questions I have gotten since this all started....

"WHAT????? How the hell do you NOT have health insurance?!?!?!?!"

Let's go back to last year, I stopped doing home care for Kamakana, was picking up more hours as a per diem nurse in the PICU.....and made the decision not to take a benefited position because as per diem I was freed up to start doing more of some the other things in life in wanted to be doing. Getting more involved in my photography, trying get that business up and running, doing stuff for Ocean Paddler TV, crewing more on the sailing canoe, summer sailing canoe races......my "plate was full" and I was having the time of my life!!!

There had been plenty discussions (lectures) about my not having health insurance. I had actually looked into purchasing my own, started the application process a few times...blah blah blah.....again had too much going on to pay a lot of attention to that.....besides I was "strong like bull"!!!! I could handle a half year or whatever with no health insurance....."what's the worse that could happen"........famous last words huh?!?!?!

With the amount of hours I had been putting in at the hospital, helping out while so much staff was out on maternity leaves and family leave.....I truly thought that once I went over the number of hours needed to qualify for benefits, certainly I would get some coverage.......long story short ....NOPE.....SHUT DOWN......actually in December as I approached the required number of hours needed for benefits, I was informed by the "powers that be" I would need  to stop working for  the last2 (+) weeks of the financial quarter, because they would not be giving me any benefits.......No need get all worked up - yah I know suckage....but the reality is that I knew as a per diem they were very not likely to give me benefits.........no need go on about what could have, should have, would have.......

I TOOK THE RISK

when I made the decision to take on non-benefited positions to "free myself up" and then never got my own insurance......Ultimately at this point it is neither here nor there.....what insurance I would have had would be almost tapped out at this point and I'd be right in this boat I find myself in with the State of Hawai'i Healthcare System.......

Honestly dealing with all of this has brought more stress down on me that the cancer....I have promised not to get myself worked up about financial stuff, bills, etc etc etc.......was even a threat by some to put a lock on my mailbox to prevent me from witnessing the daily onslaught of hospital bills.........so I will do my best to not get too "worked up" as I try relay the SHIT we have gone through to get me to where I am today......

Here in Hawai'i the larger hospitals have outsourced to a private company to provide "patient liaisons" to help folks navigate the health insurance, financial world.....basically their job is to make sure folks are covered and the hospital is going to get paid........ they at this point have proven, in my case, to be glorified paper pushers that have no idea how the system really works.....but since it is IMPOSSIBLE to actually get to speak to a human being at Medquest (Hawai'i State medical coverage)..........

When I showed up at Castle Hospital on January 25......at the same time I was being told I had cancer , I was being handed a 18 page application for Medquest coverage, I filled it out, informed the "patient liaison" that I was at that very moment out of work and would have no sick/vacation time, no more income and no assets.....except for the cash in my checking account.

NOW THIS STORY WOULD BE ALL TIED UP IN A LITTLE RED BOW IF AT ANY POINT SOMEONE TOLD ME I NEED TO START "WORKING THE SYSTEM" AND EMPTY MY CHECKING ACCOUNTS PRONTO!!!!!

Instead, in between cancer diagnosis, surgeries, wondering, laying in hospital drugged up on pain meds etc etc etc with NO help from patient liaison's, social workers or discharge planners,,,,oh they were all called and showed up at my bedside basically to tell me there was nothing really they could do, but here were numbers I could call for stuff, and what paperwork they did need I would have to figure out how to get it all while being stuck in the hospital......what they asked for they got, and along with this and my application numerous times they were given from my attending docs the forms required to make mine and "Emergency Application"

Before leaving the hospital I was told (no I can not recall by who) that "I WAS COVERED FOR JANUARY, AND FEBRUARY SHOULD BE NO PROBLEM"........PHEW load off huh?!?!

Fast forward to day of discharge when I am informed that actually I had been denied all coverage for the month of January ....seems the maximum benefits one can have is $2,000.00 and I had exactly $2787.23 in assets ....and would be responsible for paying the bills......oh and they were "gonna need cash for pharmacy to release my discharge meds to me"............so I was all "WHATEVAHS.....tell me where to sign at the X , so that I can go home!!!!"

Nothing I could do about it, and needed to focus more on me NOT bills......

"for sure February would be covered no doubt"

Hell, with my income ceasing as of January 25, and having racking up over $80,000.00 in the 10 days I was in hospital for sure I would qualify for some assistance right?!?!?!

All the while thinking these "patient liaisons" were handling and doing their job...no brainer just tell me when I am covered......I was starting to get more stressed as their was talk of holding my chemo or my having to pay for it upfront ($13,000.00 just for chemo itself - EACH ROUND)

Move to February 14.....the day of "my financial melt down" .........folks dream of  romantic love making on Valentines Day......this year I got FUCKED.....no warning, no dinner, no drinks just a big BAM......when I realized these "patient liaison" douches hadn't been doing their jobs and the necessary paper works hadn't all been collected, and what I was supplying to the one worker who I thought was in charge of my case , was basically faxing my faxes to another dude in anther office and he was the one who ultimately was "in charge of my case".....a NIGHTMARE.....I was coming more and more unglued....it was the same day I opened this piece of mail:

This is when things truly just became laughable.....and far too much for me to handle....luckily my amazing friends Keahau(1) and Kawika were at my side to "pick up the pieces" as I crumbled......

It is not the bills that stress me out....at this point they mean nothing...."You can not get water from stone"......just put em in the folder with the rest of them........someday they all go to the bankruptcy attorney.........what stresses me out is folks not doing the jobs they are hired to do and not being held responsible when they in fact DO NOT DO THEIR JOB.......(and don't get me started on the folks that have milked the system for years)

So at this point I very gladly handed over the  "reigns" and agreed not to speak to these folks as every conversation left me grabbing for more pain meds or a big dose of valium, I also agreed to stop looking at the hospital bills when they come in (truth be told I still peek at them before they go in the "file"...its funny like reading the daily comics back small kid days)

It was time to "relax"......."let it all go"......"focus on what's important"......after all benefits were a "sure thing for February".......cut to  Friday February 17 when word came through....." benefits for February have been ....(wait for it)....(feel it)....(you know whats coming).............

D-E-N-I-E-D

Yup you read that right.....seems the way our public healthcare system works is....Like I said I would need less than $2000.00 in assets.....what I was NEVER TOLD  was they only look at the bank statement on the 1st of the month.....and unfortunately for my ass, I was down to the wire sending in the rent check for February.....remember I was still in the hospital arranging check book deliveries, envelope/stamp deliveries....mail pick up from my hospital bed......MY rent WAS paid on time...but the check did not clear the account until Feb 3.......I was just a few dollars over the $2,000.00 minimum on Feb 1st.......and the reviewers do not take that into consideration, its what was there on the 1st, that's the rules, that's the way it goes, nothing you can do......bullshit.....bullshit....bullshit.....

What really chaps my ass is that SERIOUSLY....NONE OF THESE "LIASONS" COULD HAVE INFORMED ME TO MAKE SURE MY CHECKING ACCOUNT WAS TAPPED OUT BY THE 1ST??????

FUCKING FUCKIDY FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCERS FUCKIDY FUCK FUCK FUCK~~~~~whew feels good to get that out!!!!!

So that is where things stand at this point.....can't imagine being denied for March....but hell the way things have gone so far...........

This leads me to an OVERDUE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT and HUGE MAHALO -THANK YOU to every one that has stepped up to "chip in" ......I am truly blown away and humbled.....my whole life I have taken care of myself (sometimes better than others) so to be at a point to find myself relying on the charity of others is a very different and difficult position for me to be put it......

The words "thank you" are not enough........I have yet to find the right words.....to describe the how blessed I feel to be surrounded and supported by so much amazing family and friends......the financial assistance, the cooked meals, the rides here and there, the conversations, care packages, emails/cards/notes of love and support.......the kind beautiful words........

How can I ever repay you all??????

Actually I CAN ANSWER THAT.......

I am going to beat this cancer(s) and beat da fakkahs fast, beat da fakkahs hard!!!!

NONE  of this will happen in vain, there will be more goodness to come out of this, I have many times found myself fighting the system/bending rules for my patients....time to start doing it for myself and letting others in on it as I go.......when this is over I WILL  be the voice for others who come behind me and find themselves in the same perdiciment I have found myself if.

Again I take FULL RESPONSIBILITY for neglecting getting private health coverage......but we are past that at this point and at the point where......

The system I have worked and paid into since I was 16 years old, the system that we are told "will be there for us in time of need" the system of bullshit US healthcare that we are being force fed by both political parties.....this "SYSTEM"  my fiends is FLAWED MAJORLY and something need to change!!!

I have to battle NEIL AND BOB at this point, getting down off this political/social soapbox......but just to sit on it and take a rest for a while.....once Neil and Bob are sent back through the portal of hell they crawled from I will be back up on this soap box.....there needs to be a voice for the folks who dont have the backing like I do, the folks that lose everything, have no guidance, know nothing but hopelessness.

Without all of you ......my friends and family.....that is where I would be right now HOPELESS......sick....stressed...broke....preoccupied with living expenses....preoccupied with living vs dying.........

BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU .....I know I can stay in my home while on treatment, I know if something happens that I must move, there WILL ALWAYS BE A ROOF OVER MY HEAD.

BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU......I don't worry where my next meal will come from.....if I run out of $$$....THERE WILL ALWAYS BE FOOD IN MY ICE BOX....ALL OF IT MADE WITH LOVE.

BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU ....I don't worry what will happen if I get too weak/sick to do my basic daily stuffs......THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE HERE AT MY SIDE TO LEND A HAND.

BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU......I know that during the dark, scary, painful, lonely times that lie ahead......THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE I CAN CALL ON TO LEND AND EAR, A SHOULDER, A PLACE TO LAY MY HEAD, A HAND TO WIPE MY TEARS.

BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU I FEEL LIKE THE LUCKIEST MAN ON THE PLANET.......I NEVER IN MY LIFETIME THOUGHT I COULD TRULY KNOW SO MUCH LOVE, SO MUCH SUPPORT, SO PALPABLE.....NO MATTER HOW FAR AWAY WE MIGHT BE.

BECAUSE OF ALL OF YOU......I WILL SURVIVE THIS AND THE WORLD WILL REMAIN A BETTER PLACE BECAUSE I AM IN IT........

IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU ALL THAT I WILL GO INTO ROUND 2 OF CHEMO ON MONDAY MORNING FEELING LIKE "SUPAH P"!!!

Strong, loved, supported.....ready to fight.......

Please if you take nothing else from my story take this........Live every day to the fullest, be kind with your words, try to avoid getting caught up in the negative bullshit smak talk and gossip........most of all  BE A GOOD PERSON, BE GOOD TO OTHERS........LET ME BE AN EXAMPLE ......YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU CHIPS WILL BE DOWN AND THE WAY YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE TODAY WILL COME BACK AROUND AT SOME POINT.

PLEASE....DON'T GET ME WRONG!!! I do not mean to be all "preachy" I am NO ANGEL, I have done my fair share of "not nice things" luckily nothing too bad and luckily the way I have chosen to live my life has come back around to me to let me know GOOD GUYS DO NOT FINISH LAST!!!!!

Lots of Love and Aloha to you all....early to bed tonight.....I have the feeling going need a good dose of "water/ sailing canoe time" tomorrow........NO MORE FINANCIAL SPEAK!!!