Next Phase.....REMISSION.......

Did he just say "intermission"?????? NO he said 

REMISSION!!!!!!!

Yup Yup you heard it......as of yesterday October 22, 2012 I have been officially declared "in remission"...

NO signs of active cancer showed up anywhere on my PetScan.....

I KICKED BOB'S ASS RIGHT BACK DOWN THE PORTAL OF HELL HE CRAWLED OUT OF!!!!!

Frikkah didn't know who he was dealing with when he picked this fight!!!! And wasn't just me being the Warrior....was all of you "MY ARMY" ....at my side....at my back....pushing me forward...cushioning the blows....picking me up when I fell down.

I WILL FOREVER BE GRATEFUL AND WILL NEVER FORGET EVERYTHING YOU ALL DID FOR ME THESE PAST 10 MONTHS.

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SHOCKED????....yes I still am today. Going into the appointment feeling as shitty as I have been feeling lately I was no way expecting to hear "remission" ......I had prepared myself for "chemo round 2".....doctor was running over an hour behind so the sit in the waiting room felt like weeks...luckily I had Alan there to "entertain me" ....keep me calm....

When my Oncologist smiled and said "we did it" ..."it's all gone" ...."you are in remission"

I think for a few moments everything inside of me shut down....

then came flooding back like a slap in the face WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?????

This can't be real????

It was when I looked over to Alan and saw his eyes "wet" that I realized I had heard correctly .....

I BEAT BOB!!!

Luckily no one wanted to be the biggest pantie in the room so we held back our tears.....good thing too cause I don't know if mines would have stopped once they started.

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For those that don't know the story, I met Alan in the hospital shortly after I had been diagnosed in January. Alan was a close friend of a friend and had been diagnosed with Stage IV NonHodgkins Lymphoma 2 weeks prior to my diagnosis. (My diagnosis oddly enough came on Alan's Birthday)

A bit after being discharged we started spending time together and right away became good friends.

I think I talked a little about that in a previous post...what a blessing it was to have someone I could talk to that was "speaking my language" and going through the same SHIT STORM AS ME.

Through treatment we managed to get out hiking, go camping, sailing, even a 6 mile hike in the middle of the night to the flowing lava of Kilauea along with 2 other amazing friends Ken G and Moriah who stuck by our sides and are now stuck with my friendship for life.

I smoked him when it came to finishing Chemo first....but he did have the unfair advantage of having one extra type of chemo that had to be given separate and inpatient......so I cut him some slack and took on a few weeks of radiation to let him catch up.

I was HONORED and STOKED to be at his side when his oncologist gave him the news of his remission 

So was equally HONORED and STOKED when he was sitting next to me as I got my news

Shocked...... I think all I kept saying to him was 'WE DID IT!!!" "WE DID IT!!!!"

"WE FUCKING BEAT CANCER BOTH OF US"

I've said all along through this journey that there have been so many blessings that have come my way....by far one of the biggest is the gift of this friendship.....

a bond unlike any other.....

(someday I will write our "whole story"......it's got major hit movie all over it.....just waiting to find a #6)

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So phone calls were made, small kine tears were shed, texts sent, facebook updated .........lunch and dinner celebrations with great friends had.

it was a crazy whirlwind......I crashed hard last night.....slept long and hard......

Today oddly enough felt very similar to that day after I was diagnosed.......

I have been NUMB all day....walking around I think still in a state of shock....just kinda going through the motions.....

Had an appointment with the surgeon who put in my port....arranging an OR time to remove my port  in the coming weeks.

Wandered around the grocery store....not really sure what I was doing there (but stoked to run into my great friend Malia - on of all days her birthday.....I got one of those hugs that kinda brings you back to reality)

REMISSION REMISSION REMISSION.......I just keep going over it in my head......seriously>> ??? NO jokes??? I really beat cancer????

It is almost as shocking as being told you have cancer, but WAAAAAY BETTER shocking!!!!!

I have been floored (once again) by the response to the news and the outpouring of love and support.....came close to crying.....still haven't done it yet.....need to .....

but this cry will be unlike any other cry of my life......this will be the most cleansing cry I have ever had...feel it in my core that I need to be in the ocean to do it......

guess where I will be at sunrise tomorrow.
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So I am still feeling pretty "beat up" and fatigued.....My oncologist says he's not shocked ....body has been through A LOT going to need time to heal......but unless anything out of the ordinary pops up I will not see him again for 3 months at which point he will re-evaluate me for potential return to work.

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As for "the heart issues"......I "got" a copy of the report from my ECHO and the CT of my heart......I don't see my cardiologist till Tuesday, but to hell if I was gonna wait!!!
Seems the CT shows about a 50% blockage of my right coronary artery....with calcifications that make accurate percentages hard to decipher.......the pericardial effusion is still present , but per the ECHO it is has decreased markedly.

Sooooo a half blocked coronary artery......could it be that getting cancer , kicking cancers ass led me to a point where we detected this early , preventing me from having massive heart problems down the road?!?!?!?!

Weird how things work......will not focus too much on it.......or try ask too many "medical friends"

Will wait for Cardiologist on Tuesday and see where we go ......to be honest with you this whole adult patient treatment thing is so far out in left field for me......and the last thing I want to do is become a "medical google nut"!!

For now I would like to just spend the next few days taking in this "new reality" this "new phase of my life"

Was funny how everything I saw through my eyes changed when I was diagnosed and then yesterday sitting with friends I realized it happened again......."remission" changed the way I see the world......

Going to cut this blog short.....TIRED!!! 

Promise to update here soon!!!

going to for sure be a lot of thoughts I am going to need get out there.......

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN FOR YOUR HUGE OUTPOURING OF SUPPORT AND LOVE

The "celebration" of my remission has been bittersweet ......Can I ask you to please keep my "bestie" Terry in your thoughts.....Terry is with her folks on the mainland and yesterday just a few hours after I was able to share my good news with  she and her mom , her dad who had been admitted to hospital last week, suddenly passed away. David too was a WARRIOR beat the shit outta his cancer and was 8 years past his battle.

LOTS OF PEACE LOVE AND ALOHA TO YOU ALL

P