T'was the night before chemo.....

T'was the night before chemo and I am blessed to have a very clean house.

Neither of my "creatures" are stirring, because I gave them both a catnip laced mouse.
My "Supah P" shirt is out and ready to wear.

My day bag is packed with my blankie, jolly ranchers, barf bags and clean underwear.
I have high hopes that I will return home tomorrow evening wearing my original pair.

Soon I'll be all nestled and snug in my bed...while visions of being cancer free dance in my head.

Tomorrow morning I'll rise and cross the Ko'olau Mountain I'll go, headed for the Cancer Clinic, I have front row tickets for the Chemo Show.

Blood will be drawn, labs will be checked. Doctor will examine and I'm sure I'll figure out a way to be a pain in the neck.
My port will be accessed and the chemos will flow......

all the while I'll be repeating

PACK YOUR BACKS NEIL AND BOB IT IS TIME TO GO!!!!

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The days since my last blog entry have been GOOD!!

I have been very aware of the increased fatigue following round 2.....I guess they say it just continues to worsen a bit with each round.

Had a short lived bout of mucositis....not too awful. Weight is being maintained, appetite is good. Spirits are up.

Felt real good when got up Wednesday morning and hopped in my jeep headed for the Westside....was a well kept secret....think it was a pleasant surprise for Nakoa and Terry when they arrived and found me setting up the canoe...

Had a special friend on island, visiting with a group of surfing wahine's from East coast of the states.
Was of course great to be back on the canoe and have 2 hours of the "best medicine" for my spirit and my mind...felt like FOREVER since cruised the Westside with Captain Nakoa......damn I miss it!

Wish I could last longer than 2 hours......

Thursday was "errands day".....Made it townside to try "save" the laptop at BestBuy, luckily they were able to!! Made it to Home Depot and got some cushions for yard chairs....had total "chemo brain" moment forgetting everything else I needed, then topped it off with a "portagee moment" of forgetting I had the list on my iPhone......
Was EXHAUSTED anyways and headed home....amazed how quick the batteries tap out these days.

Stoked to have the cushions that night though, been a long time since sat out under the stars with a good bottle of wine and great company, just talk story....

Friday, morning visit with a great friend .....inspired me to spend 4 1/2 hours that afternoon doing my online Social Security Disability forms/applications......YES I said 4 and 1/2 hours .....and I still need print stuff out and hand deliver to the offices......unreal how twisted the system is.....

Saturday was sooooo SPOILED WITH LOVE AND ATTENTION!!!

Shawna, Deroy, baby Sophia and Kolea showed up in morning, cooked me breakfast of Crepe's, Frittata's and Mimosas....was great to spend time talking story, sharing memories laughing and loving.

Introduced baby Sophia to baby Makai.....was love at first site...

I got even more spoiled when got to spend afternoon with Makai while Terry mowed the yard!!

BEST NAP I HAD IN A LOOONG TIME

The spoiling continued well into Saturday when I got a special delivery......Much MAHALOS to Jo, Len, Brandon, Kehau and the rest of my Egdamin 'Ohana....

They gifted me with a futon,  so now when my brother Scott arrives (or any one else who like have sleep over) they can have a room and bed to themselves!!!

So BLESSED to be so well taken care of .

Today was all about getting the house in order, chores and errands done (mostly a good way to deny tomorrow is "chemo day")

Had a GREAT afternoon visit with some very special friends....My friend KenG who I have worked with at Ocean Paddler TV and his good friend Alan.
Ken introduced Alan and I while we were both inpatients on the Queens Cancer Unit....Alan is battling Lymphoma as well only  his battle makes mine look like child play....

Like me Alan was diagnosed in January.... we are both "newbies" at figuring out our way through our cancer mazes......

It was great to have a few moments of conversation with someone who can truly understand some of my thoughts, feelings etc etc without me having to explain......was a few times when I felt like we were speaking a language only we understood.......blessed to have made a new friend and someone I can truly stand shoulder to shoulder with as we battle our ways to "SURVIVOR STATUS"

Sorry no pics to share from our visit (hoping to get some copies from Alan's sis who took plenty)

Please check out Alan at

http://www.morrowfoundation.com/

ANYONE WHO WANTS DONATE TO HIS UPCOMING FUNDRAISER PLEASE LET ME KNOW!!!!

We are already planning plenty adventures so will have plenty pics to share with you folks in the future.

So now its a quiet, chilly peaceful night in Hakipu'u. The house is cleaned, everything packed and ready to go to Cancer Clinic in the morning, lab draw at 0830; appointment with Oncologist at 0900, Chemo scheduled to start at 0930 and if all goes well....the "420 minutes" they set aside for my infusions will go by without incidence.......I may even be able to get out in time to meet my brother Scott at the airport.....if not got my amazing friend, confidant, strong foundation Kawika who will once again be at my side during chemo and will grab my bro at the airport and deliver him to me at the hospital.   So looking forward to a week with my brother....it has been far too long!!

So.....what's it like the "night before chemo".......thoughts running through my head>>>>

OKIE #3 means we are HALF WAY TO THE FINISH.......I HATE not knowing what to expect.....PLEASE don't have a reaction like last time......PLEASE don't let "the Puke Monster" get a hold of me on this round......anyway that you could cut me some slack on the hiccups would be greatly appreciated.....HALF WAY TO PAU CHEMO.....positive response on CT after round 1 - this shit gotta be working....... What if this Shit not working.......Nadir after round 2 worse than round 1 , barely made it mentally after round 2, how am I going make it if round 3 worse......so lucky/fortunate/blessed to have so many to support me, lift me up and make sure I make it passed round 3 and will see me to the end of round 6.......really, really don't want to be a puking/sick mess while my brother is here.......even if all we do is sit on sofa for the week -being together will be a wonderful gift...... awwww FCUK its back to that steroid roller coaster.....ahhh damn I forgot to put the chucks down when I put clean sheets on the bed....

HOW THE FUCK DID I GET HERE!!!

So, yah....basically the brain is going non stop.....so much "what-ifs" and "un-knowns"

Time to focus on the "for sures" and the "knowns"

Those are..... that I am loved more than I ever imagined possible....the support system I have been blessed with is unimaginably strong....I am STRONG.....at times when I am weak there IS someone at my side and if I start to fall there IS someone there to catch me/break my fall.

What ever is coming my way - I CAN AND WILL HANDLE

I decided on a small change of thought......always knew I am NOT "DYING OF CANCER"

Decided I no more like the label "LIVING WITH CANCER"

Cancer had NO INVITATION into my life and I AM NOT WILLING TO SHARE MY LIFE WITH CANCER

Rather than someone "living with cancer"  I am someone

FIGHTING CANCER....CANCER IS NOT WELCOME TO SHARE MY BODY.....I AM BATTLING AND I WILL WIN THIS BATTLE.

OKIE - time to get some "sleep"....gotta be well rested and "beefed up" for tomorrow...

SWEET DREAMS FROM BEAUTIFUL HAKIPU'U

LOTS OF LOVE - ALOHA - PEACE

MAHALO NUI LOA  FOR ALL OF YOUR LOVE, CARING AND SUPPORT

P